I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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