So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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