Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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