five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
