Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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