Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
