I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
