Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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