Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
