for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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