There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
