I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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