Can i not drive my cunt home
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
