Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
