the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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