I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
