were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
