Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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