Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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