Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
