So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
