my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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