We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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