There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
