beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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