OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
