well most of my day revolves around power hour
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
