You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize