I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
