first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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