another moral hangover. fuck.
I bet he comes in French.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize