it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
