bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
