nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
