girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
third nipple confirmed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
