As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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