he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
