yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
