My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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