I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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