Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Damn victory sex feels great
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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