she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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