He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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