I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
