I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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