Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
