Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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