I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
