Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
