i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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