Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
