Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
