I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
