Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
