My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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