Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
