He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
