Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize