I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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