If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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