I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
