the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
