dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
