Im at strip club and am horny
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
