I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
