you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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