there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
