fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
