david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
