I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
