Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
