he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
